Status on Children World Wide

I saw these stats on Leadership Network.

Here is the story behind the "Risky Performance" by Adam Lambert @ the AMA's

THis article can be found HERE

Just last week, the editor-in-chief of the gay magazine Out was lamenting thatAdam Lambert's handlers were allegedly trying to ease the out-and-proud singer back into the closet a bit. While Lambert told the gay magazine to chill, he seemed intent on sending a strong message on Sunday night with his pan-sexually charged performance of the title track from his debut album, For Your Entertainment.

In addition to dragging a female dancer around by the ankles, pushing a male dancer's head into his crotch and simulating oral sex, walking a pair of male hoofers around like dogs on a leash, and furiously thrusting his hips at every opportunity, Lambert took a moment mid-song to fervently make out with (an allegedly straight) male keyboard player. After the jaw-dropping performance, Lambert told CNNthat the forceful smooch was "in the moment" and was not a planned part of his routine.

Appearing to preemptively strike back at anyone who took issue with the S&M-heavy imagery of the night-closing routine for its risqué nature, Lambert said those who object are engaging in "a form of discrimination and a double standard," considering that for decades, "women performers have been pushing the envelope."

Lambert repeated that double-standard line of reasoning with Rolling Stonebackstage after the show, telling the mag, "Female performers have been doing this for years — pushing the envelope about sexuality — and the minute a man does it, everybody freaks out. We're in 2009 — it's time to take risks, be a little more brave, time to open people's eyes and if it offends them, then maybe I'm not for them. My goal was not to piss people off, it was to promote freedom of expression and artistic freedom."

The singer, whose glam pop/rock debut was released on Monday (November 23), lamented that when Madonna and Britney Spears smooched at the 2003 MTV Video Music Awards, it was not censored, though it did take place on a cable network, not on a prime-time network television broadcast.

The West Coast broadcast of the show reportedly kept the kiss with the keyboardist in but cut out the simulated oral sex. Critical reaction to Lambert's performance was decidedly mixed, with some applauding his audaciousness and more questioning the over-the-top nature of what Entertainment Weekly described as a bit that "emphasized shock-and-awe imagery over his standard-operating vocal excellence."

Check out PIcts from MS Camp

You can now go to www.longhollowstudents.com to see all videos and Pict's of all events.

Go HERE to see the MS Fall Retreat Picts

Crazy Love Campaign - Offering #2 - Youth Building Video

Crazy Love: Youth Building Video #2 from Long Hollow Creative on Vimeo.

Big Red let's you know what happens when you are late - pretty creative!!!

Interesting Baptism Facts from 2000 - 2008 - Are we getting away from Evangelism?

Here are some other interesting Baptism Facts

22% of all baptism's each year are students from the age of 12-17

18% are Kids from the age of 9-11

25% are Adults from 30-59

This shows that the teenage year's are crucial years from an individual to give their life to Christ and follow through in Baptism. Time to invest in Student Ministry!!!!

Student Ministry Trend

In 2000 we saw 93,100 Baptism (12-17 years old)

This past year we saw 75,215 (12-17 years old)

Again each year it is dropping.

We see the same trend happening w/ 30-59 year's old:

2000 - 105,024 were baptized

2008 84,667 were baptized.

Same Story with ages 9-11

2000 - 74,994

2008 - 61,233

Total all ages:

2000 - 414,657

2008 - 342,198

Growth of the Muslim Population:

A comprehensive demographic study of more than 200 countries finds that there are 1.57 billion Muslims of all ages living in the world today, representing 23% of an estimated 2009 world population of 6.8 billion.

Read this interesting article HERE

Students being Baptized has fallen from 140,000 to 75,000 - ALL STUDENTS AND YOUTH PASTORS LET'S GO FOR IT!!!!

Check this out:

1971 Southern Baptist Church Youth Ministries baptized around 125,000 students. The next year 1972 that jumped up to almost 140,000 students.

Watch this –

1973 120,000 – pretty big drop from that 140,000 the year before.

Each year it has gone down.

1980 (7 years latter) – 109,000

1985 – 88,000

1990 – 90,000

1995 – 93,000

2000 - ??????

2001 – 83000

2005 – 83,000

2008 – 75,000

We are seeing fewer students baptized today than ever before. Student Pastors it is time for us to step up and get very intentional in reaching the next generation.

When is the last time you shared the gospel in your student ministry? Did you follow up on those students that were saved and watch them get baptized?

We need to get off the sidelines and into the game before we watch another generation go by.

I’m praying God creates a movement in student ministry all across America and we reach an all time high in youth baptisms. This means we have to baptize more than 140,000 students in 1 year.

That has not happened in almost 18 years. WOW!!!!!!

I just pulled together stats in my area. 35,000 students and 27,000 are un-churched.

I just moved from Katy Texas (3rd fastest growing city in US). They have 64,500 students in Katy and close to 50,000 are un-churched!!!

We have a lot of work today and very little time to do it in. LET’S GO FOR IT TOGETHER!!!!!!

Source: Annual Church Profile, Lifeway Christian Resource Center, Nashville Tenn. Compiled by the center for Missional Research of the North American Mission Board, Alpharetta, GA

New Book by Ronnie Floyd - Check it out

I saw this video on http://www.bhpublishinggroup.com/powerofprayerandfasting/ dealing w/ the Power of Prayer and Fasting.

Check it out!!!

Last Video of the ITUNES series - All Access Coach

Do you get mad when you drive?

Read the Article HERE

38% - Angry Motorists

Many Americans now find driving more of a hassle than a pleasure and a substantial number now vent their displeasure with other drivers with whom they share the nation's highways and byways. About four-in-ten (38%) told a Pew Research survey that they had cursed or shouted at other drivers in the past year. Drivers in the younger age categories (18 to 49 years) are more likely than older drivers to report such outbursts as well as indulging in other distractions while driving, including singing, making phone calls and eating. And drivers in the Northeast are more likely to report cursing at other drivers than are those in other regions. For female drivers, however, breaking into song or taking care of personal grooming are more frequent attention diverters. Read more

Little Joked we played on the students in our last ITUNES shoot

This was all a joke. We had just bought this shirt!!!

all Itunes videos are on www.facebook.com/longhollowstudents

Student walk in Video's we have played.

We have showed these two videos the past two weeks as students walk in

Last Week


This Week

The Next Youth-Magnet Cities

If you were a recent college graduate in a recovering economy launching a career, looking for a mate or both, where would you choose to live? The Washington Post just put out this article to show where these students are looking.

Washington DC, tied for 1^st place with Seattle, WA
New York City, NY
Portland, OR
Austin, TX

Check out this Article by the Washington Post:

ITUNES Part 3 Video

Tonight will be the last night of our ITUNES series. You can see all the videos we have done on www.facebook.com/longhollowstudents and you can hear all the messages on our Long Hollow Student Ministry Podcast.

Here is Part 3's Video

Crazy Love Offering #2 Dec 13th Prepare!!!

Here is what www.crazylovecampaign.com says:

The Crazy Love Campaign is off to a great start, with over $570,000 given so far (exceeding our goal for Offering #1)! Offering #2 is quickly approaching, making now a great time to begin praying about what God wants your family to set aside for December 13.

As a reminder, we’re not asking for pledges as part of the Crazy Love Campaign. We are just asking that each family decide what for them is a demonstration of crazy love for God. Our proposed family goal for Offering #2 is a $500 average gift.

Crazy Love Offering #2: $750,000

Expanding our campuses to keep reaching more people: $500,000

• Hendersonville Campus – New Student Building
• Gallatin Campus – New Worship Center
• White House Campus – Permanent Home

As Long Hollow continues to reach more and more people for Christ, we need to provide the necessary space for them on our campuses. As with Offering #1, each campus will be giving to a different project as listed below.

The Hendersonville Campus Youth Building is planned to be 46,000 square feet and will be constructed at approximately $80 per square foot. Long Hollow continues its commitment to put money into ministry and not elaborate buildings.

Complete the orphan village in Haiti for 300 orphaned and abandoned children: $200,000

Through Offering #1, Long Hollow purchased 11 acres in Haiti for the village and has funded the church, clinic and guest house. Through Offering #2, Long Hollow hopes to be able to complete the entire orphan village by building all 30 orphan homes, the school, the kitchen and latrines, and the fresh-water well. If all goes as planned, our 300 rescued children will arrive there around May 1.

Fund our new adoption foundation to assist families in adopting orphaned and abandoned children: $10,000

Our adoption ministry is up and running! Through it, Long Hollow families can get coaching through the adoption process, get encouragement and support through the process and after your child(ren) enters your home. Long Hollow families can also receive financial assistance. The Long Hollow Adoption Ministry is for families seeking to adopt both domestically and internationally.

Funding key partnerships related to ministering in Christ’s name to those in need: $40,000

As with Offering #1, Long Hollow will be supporting some of our important partners in ministry through Offering #2. The distribution of gifts is as follows:

• Cumberland Crisis Pregnancy Center: $5,000
• Salvus Center: $1,000
• Hendersonville Samaritan’s Association: $1,000
• Lottie Moon Offering for International Missions: $25,000
• Annie Armstrong Offering for North American Missions: $5,000
• Evangelisitc outreach to the ZaZa peoples of Turkey: $3,000

Have questions? Be sure to click around on this site to learn more about how we plan to distribute campaign funds, and check out this list of questions and answers.

Here we go!

Adoption Video - WOW - Shoes for Haiti

I saw this video on Rachel Landrith's twitter and thought I would share:

You can see the video on THIS BLOG:

see the Video HERE also

Heaven Can Wait?

Here is a Video called "Heaven Can Wait" by We the Kings

It raises this question: Do we put our hope in the things of the world or in Christ?" As a Teenager do you hope to accomplish things in this world or do you want fully what Christ has for you?

Prov 3:5 "trust in the Lord w/ all your heart. Lean not on your own understanding but on the hope of the Lord."

You have any thoughts on this?

We The Kings - New Music - More Music Videos

Family Challenge

David Landrith posted these on his blog today and share them in Men's Fraternity this AM. Thought i would re-post them. Good Stuff!!!

Here is what Pastor shared:

he following is from George Barna’s, The Future Of The American Family. And no, ladies, I did not add number 9, though all the men would say “Amen!!”

The Top 10 Key Ingredients for a Healthy Family

1. The family is characterized by strong, supportive, honest communication. A healthy family speaks the truth to one another.
2. Family members spend a large quantity of time together.
3. Family members share a common faith and practice together.
4. Family members agree on key values.
5. Family members practice love and mutual appreciation.
6. Family members sacrifice for the good of one another.
7. Family members have common goals and interests.
8. Family members demonstrate trust with one another. Good families establish the principle that you can trust people, by demonstrating it with one another.
9. Husband and wife engage in regular sexual intercourse. Regular sex makes a happy home!
10. Husband and wife have a firm parental coalition in raising their children. They agree on how they want to raise their kids.

Who will win the National Championship? Vote NOW

IF you are on FACEBOOK go to www.brianmills247.blogspot.com to vote

Who Will Win the National Championship?

• Flordia
• Alabama
• Texas
• Iowa
• USC
• LSU
• None of the Above

View Results
Create a Blog Poll

itunes series week 2 video

we are in the middle of a series called ITUNES (podcast here)

each week we open by video. this past week was a lot of fun @ RCA Studio B in Nashville - check it out.

McKenna loves to Sing and Dance - Hoedown throw Down and The Climb by McKenna Mills

Are you dressing up for Halloween?

MTV Shows

Great Question by Tim Stevens - Getting People in small Group is NOT the goal!

I was challenge by this thought process by Tim Stevens. There is a lot to the thought of doing life together and study God's word!!!

Here is what TIM SAID:

I'm sitting in a conference listening to a real-life case study. A pastor from Texas presented his problem: "How do we get more people in small groups?" He went on to explain that only about 500 of their 2200 attendees are involved in small groups.

The conference participants then helped this pastor find a solution for getting more people in small groups.

But to me, it seems like the wrong question. Why is the goal to get more people in small groups? I'm sure his goal is bigger than just getting people in close proximity to each other. There must be something that happens in small groups that he really wants people involved in. Perhaps it is Bible study, or deeper relationships, or perhaps he knows that spiritual growth happens better in the context of those relationships.

Asking "why aren't more people in small groups" seems like a newer version of the question, "Why can't we get more people to attend Sunday school?" It doesn't really get to the real desire.

Maybe it would be better to ask, "How do we get more people to study the Bible?" or "How do we get people to take spiritual steps in deeper relationship with others?"

Maybe the answer isn't Sunday School...or small groups. Maybe it's something we haven't even thought of. Maybe it is 50 different answers for a church of 2200 people.

It is so easy to get stuck on a method. That which is innovative today can become an idolatrous method tomorrow.

Decoding College Applications by the Today Show

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

You never know what is around the Corner!!!

Do you ever want God to do something now? Do you ever feel like God does not care about your "condition?"

Could you imagine what the Blind man @ the Pool thought about his life? John 5:1-15 tells the story.

At the age of 38 this one man felt helpless and useless then in the matter of a moment Jesus asked him "do you want to get well?"

What if he said NO?

What if he said it does not matter no one cares about me?

What if he had a bad attitude about life and had given up?

Instead he said sir I have no one to help me into the "Pool" then Jesus says "GET UP!"

In the matter of a moment a man's day to day life was change?

You never know what is around the corner but always be ready for what God wants to do in and through you!!!

Stay Humble and follow God!!!

Josh Price Worship Leader - Book him Now

Check out Josh Price for your event!!!

Go to his website for more info www.joshuapricemusic.com

Ed Young JR on the Today Show

Ed Young JR

Visit msnbc.com for Breaking News, World News, and News about the Economy

Rhianna: Russian Roulette

Michael Head, Jr High Pastor @ 2nd Houston, posted this the other day on this blog.

The song Russian Roulette by Rhianna is a sad song, it is going to be a hit, which is worse, look at the lyrics below. Is this something that we should be jamming to or thinking "wow we have a lot of work to do on this earth."

Kate McCay wrote a good blog about it so go check this out. You need to be in the know, and this song will probably start causing some drama soon.

Rihanna - ‘Russian Roulette’ Lyrics
Take a breath, take it deep

Calm yourself, he says to me

If you play, you play for keeps

Take a gun, and count to three

I’m sweating now, moving slow

No time to think, my turn to go

[Chorus}

And you can see my heart beating

You can see it through my chest

And I’m terrified but I’m not leaving

Know that I must must pass this test.

So just pull the trigger
Say a prayer to yourself

He says close your eyes

Sometimes it helps

And then I get a scary thought

That he’s here means he’s never lost
(Chorus)
As my life flashes before my eyes

I’m wondering will I ever see another sunrise?

So many won’t get the chance to say goodbye

But it’s too late too pick up the value of my life

Watch Souther Movement Dance when they were @ Long Hollow Baptist Church

Sam Bradford and Colt McCoy Testimonies on IAmSecond.com

My high school pastor, shane sisk, told me about the testimony that Colt McCoy and Sam Bradford did on www.iamsecond.org so i thought i would share with you.

A Must Listen Too - David Landrith starts a series on Giving!!!

Pastor David Landrith preached a great message this past Sunday on the topic of Giving.

You can also give your Tithe ONLINE - Just Click on this link http://www.longhollow.com/contact_us/give_online

Generous Living - How to Be Rich from Long Hollow Baptist Church on Vimeo.

Help Coffey Anderson -

Learn how you can help Coffey Anderson with his new album. Coffey is a good friend and has an amazing heart!!! He and is wife have an amazing ministry and heart to reach out to this world. Support Coffey.

Watch this video and then go to Coffey's Website!!!

You can also visit his Fan page on Facebook HERE

WATCH VIDEO BY CLICKING

What would you ask for if God said "what do you want?"

What a great question? If God came to you and asked this question: "Ask for whatever you ant me to give you."

2 Chronicles 1:7 show that is the very question God asked Solomon. What was Solomon's response?

Vs 10 - "Give me wisdom and knowledge, that I may lead this people, for who is able to govern this great people of yours?"

Yes Solomon could have asked for anything but he asked for Wisdom.

What would you ask for?

Money?

Better Spouse?

Better Parent?

Success?

Power?

Influence?

I could go on and on with this list but it still begs the question: "What would you ask for?"

Do you know how God responded to his answer? If the answer to that question is no then open your Bibles right now to 2 Chronicles 1 and read this story.

No I can't answer all the questions it is more powerful for you to actually open the Word of God and read it yourself...

Let me know what you find out!!!

Preaching @ Long Hollow Baptist Church

David Landrith gave me the great opportunity to preach at our church Last sunday. The video was shown this sunday to our other campuses.

Message from Brian Mills from Long Hollow Baptist Church on Vimeo.

High School Football - ALWAYS FINISH THE PLAY!!!

Here is a great example, my father-in-law showed me, of how important it is to finish the play before you celebrate the win!!!

All Catalyst INFO you ever wanted!!!

If you were not able to go to the Catalyst Conference, like me. Then you need to go and read all of Kent Shaffer's notes on www.churchrelevance.com.

Kent has broken down all the great talks and they are must reads. Go now and spend an hour or two learning!!!

Remember Leaders are readers!!!

Student Revolutionaries -

Matt Lawson, Youth Pastor @ FBC Woodstock, sent this note out on facebook the other day. I thought It was great so I wanted to post it on my blog. Thanks Matt for sending this out great word!!!

MATT'S NOTE: THIS IS A MUST READ FOR ANYONE IN MINISTRY. THIS WAS WRITTEN BY ERIC MORRIS, A STUDENT REVOLUTIONARY TO THE CORE...

My letter to the Church: I want your conscience to bother you.

Recently Helen Thomas, in response to Robert Gibbs unsatisfactory answers about the Public Option said, "Because I want your conscience to bother you." I got to thinking and started to wonder why Christians do not have the same conviction about their beliefs as Helen Thomas does about the Public Option. I think when someone truly believes in a cause, and that cause is virtuous, extraordinary things will transpire. But for some reason, unknown to me, the Christians just do not care. We have become useless to God. Christians are supposed to be the body of Christ and used for the spreading of His word. But it seems of late that Christians care more about the mundane activities of daily living than they care about doing the work of the Lord. We, sadly, have become passive in our culture. We sit back and let our neighbors drift toward the gates of hell because our focus has moved from the hearts of the hurting to our self-serving endeavors.

76.5% of the American population say they are Christian and even espouse a relationship with Christ. That means there are 224,437,959 Christians in America alone. So I have one question, "Why aren't you acting like it?" With this many self-professed Christians on one mass of land why is abortion, the act of murder, even being debated? Why are crimes of rape and incest so prevalent? It is terrifying when a nation as "Christian" as ours cannot even band together and outlaw murder of the unborn, and does not have the moral fiber to condemn that which is evil as evil.

There is something desperately wrong with the hearts of Americans. I believe the fault falls heavily upon the shoulders of our ministers. There is obviously a large portion of ministers who care much more about the pews being filled, their wallets being full, and their congregations feeling good, than they do about preaching the word of a Holy God. If our ministers were preaching the Word of God, our nation would fall under conviction of its sin. If our ministers would stand up and perform the task God has anointed them to do, our nation would be transformed, we would see and feel the power of God, real change and real hope would encompass this nation. It is not the hope and change that was bought on the empty promises of one man. Rather, It is the hope and change that was bought with the blood on the Cross of Calvary.

My generation will follow your lead. You can either care about the things of God or the things of man, but know this, and do not take it lightly, my brothers, my generation will follow suit, we will follow to the depths of hell if that is where you lead. Our nation is coming to a day of choosing. We will either settle into our lives of sin or hand this nation back to God, by being the light to a dark and lost world. But we as Christians must stand up. We must condemn faulty man made religion for it is the greatest enemy of God. If our church leaders continue to be motivational speakers instead of the anointed men of God, the church will be responsible for a countless number of people who find themselves in hell. There is nothing to be gained by preaching so that the pews may be full and your wallets thick. If you have been anointed by God it doesn't matter what the people think of you, the only thing that matters is that you are doing the work of the Lord. I say all this because I want your conscience to bother you, I want your conscience to bring you to your knees with guilt when you think of my generation. It is time for the church to arise. It is time for the Church to stand upon Biblical principles. We are living in the days of Elijah and we must stop doing what is popular and start doing what is right.

Speaking @ New Life Ranch this week

I am speaking this week @ New Life Ranch in Siloam Springs Arkansas for Bethal Baptist Church out of OK...

Check out their Grounds:

Pray for their fall retreat lead by Youth Pastor Bruce Ingram!!!

Effort and Logic

Effort and Logic are two words that David Edwards keep saying are the two things he sees ministers missing today.

Effort - conscious exertion of power : hard work

Logic - a particular mode of reasoning viewed as valid

We need more people that are willing to put forth the effort to do excellence in ministry.

Then don’t be afraid to do what is logical even if it is a risk. Don’t just take a risk to take it or even take a risk that does not make since to take. That is where Logic comes in!!

Go for it, don’t just set in the office dreaming up ideas that you will never do or try. Let’s keep reaching people in the name of Jesus Christ!!! Go for it!!!

Fall Crusade Highlight Video

What is Success in Ministry?

Mark Batterson put this on his blog several days ago. Check out his answer to this question:

Here are five "two word" answers:

1) Keep Learning

When you stop learning you stop leading. I never want to become aclosed system. If you keep learning you cannot fail. Why? Because failure is not learning the lessons God is trying to teach you. If you learned something you did not fail.

2) Take Risks

Playing it safe is risky. I'm more afraid of missing opportunities thanmaking mistakes. I think that is a leadership mindset. You obviously need to discern if they are God-ordained. But our greatest regrets will be the lions we did not chase!

3) Stay Humble

This one is huge. Don't let pride take root in your heart. I'm so grateful for a failed church plant on my resume because it's a constant reminder that "unless the Lord builds the house they who labor, labor in vain." If you stay humble there is nothing God cannot do in you and through you.

4) Dream Big

The size of your dream reveals the size of your faith. More faith = bigger dreams. I'm convinced that God-sized dreams are one key to spiritual growth. God-sized dreams force you to live on your knees in raw dependence upon God. Live your life in a way that requires divine intervention.

5) Be Yourself

You need to come to terms with who you are and who you aren't. Ten years ago I was trying to be a pastor. I'm now trying to be myself. And there is a difference. Life is too short and ministry is too hard to be in an environment where you can't give true expression to your unique gifts, personality, and calling.

I'm obviously making a lot of assumptions here. For example, spiritual growth is all about becoming more and more like Jesus. That's a given. And I'm assuming a strong devotional life that includes prayer and Bible study. So these five tips are "beyond basics" if you will.

Drum Lines @ the Crusade

see all pict's and videos from the crusade @ www.facebook.com/longhollowstudents

Success of the Crusade

Many have asked me what made the crusade so successful. Was it the cheer squads, dance team, drum lines, QB Challenge, Lineman weigh off, free food or the worship and speaker…

I would say all of that is great and make an A+ event but and event is simple an “event” unless God shows up!!!

The Students of Long Hollow Student Ministry are “fired up” for the Lord and made a great impact in their friends lives. So many students walked the isle with their friends.

David Edwards did amazing at communicating a clear gospel message for the students to respond too and Chris White and his band leading in amazing worship but our students brought their un-churched friends.

So why successful? Simply because God gave our students a passion for the lost and they went after it!!!

Add a little “effort and Logic,” as Dave Edwards would say, to a group of students that have a passion and you see the masses come and the un-churched students be saved.

It does take Effort and Logic though on the leaders end. That is another blog though…

I am so proud of Long Hollow Student Ministry and blessed to be a part of it!!!

What is ‘success’ in parenting teens? An interview with Dr. Paul Tripp

This article was on www.cpyu.org website.

What is ‘success’ in parenting teens?
An interview with Dr. Paul Tripp

Editor’s note: Dr. Paul Tripp is one of our CPYU heroes. He is a counselor, teacher and writer. CPYU recommends his book Age ofOpportunity: A Biblical Guide to Parenting Teens as the best Christian parenting book we’ve ever seen. Dr. Tripp currently works with the Christian Counseling and Education Foundation in Glenside, PA, and teaches practical theology at WestminsterTheological Seminary. This interview with Dr. Tripp is reprinted with permission from the National Journal Committee of the Presbyterian Church of Australia.

What sort of goals should a parent have as their children reach the teenage years?

Unfortunately, western culture has had a terribly cynical view of the teen years. It’s a view that is largely biologically based. People tend to see teenagers as a collection of raging, rebel hormones encased in skin. Of course, the idea is that you can’t talk to a hormone. I read someone who put it very well. He said that if you add the word “teenage” to any other word, it becomes a negative. Take “teenage driver.” That’s a simple instance of how this particular age group attracts cynicism.

The problem with this way of looking at teens is that it’s a subtle denial of the Gospel. Actually, what we’re really saying is that there’s a class of people for whom the Gospel won’t work. That’s a devastating theology. My experience is that when parents buy into that view of the Gospel for their teenagers, it begins to bleed over into other relationships. They begin to have doubts about whether Christ can reach all sorts of people.

That means that simply surviving your teens is not enough of a goal. In a sense, having survival as a goal is selfish because it’s focused simply on getting yourself through a difficult time. The other problem with having survival as a goal is that, as parents, we tend to settle for external, behaviorist sorts of goals.

We try to deal with our kids according to the Nike way—“Just do it!” Children who have only had parents who want to regulate and control their behaviour don’t have much when they leave the home.

In America, for example, we have had a huge number of kids from Christian homes who go off to college and forsake the faith. Actually, I suspect that they never had it in the first place. In fact, what they had was the faith of their parents. It’s just that they never internalized it for themselves. All that the college situation does is reveal the true heart of the teenager that had been masked by parental control and regulations.

Naturally, all parents need to have regulations that control the behavior of their children, but it’s not enough of a goal. The sort of rule-keeping that we describe as behaviorism, which is disconnected from the heart, is repudiated throughout the Bible and was the peculiar sin of the Pharisees. Christ roundly condemned it. And yet Christian parents can be very successful at creating a new generation of young Pharisees who live with no sense of need for the Gospel at all, because they’re quite good at keeping external rules. That’s pretty scary to me.

We need to see that the final years of a child’s life at home are a time of unprecedented opportunity. As a child’s world unfolds before him and he experiences greater freedom, his heart gets revealed. This means that we have to take every opportunity to be part of the final stage of preparation. Being involved with our teenagers at a deep level is something we mustn’t avoid.

What’s the real problem that teenagers face? Is it their hormones or is it their hearts?

The world says it’s their hormones; but the Bible says, in literally hundreds of ways, that human beings live out of their hearts. We like to think that it’s other people and circumstances that cause us to do what we do. However, this little bit of blame-shifting comes straight out of the garden of Eden. The Bible says that our situations and relationships are merely the occasions in which our hearts express themselves. I really live out of my heart. The heart is the directional system for each one of us.

What do you mean when you use the word ‘heart?’

The Bible has a very simple anthropology. It says that people consist of two parts: the outer man—which is your earth suit, and the inner man—which is your spiritual self. The Bible uses a number of words—mind, emotion, will, spirit—to describe the heart. In a sense, “the heart” is one, big basket term; it’s really biblical shorthand for the inner man and all its functions.

The Bible attributes many important functions to the heart. It tells us that we feel, think, purpose, desire, believe with our hearts. We also receive or reject God’s new covenant with them, too. This means that if the heart is the steering wheel of the human being, if it’s the thing that causes us to do what we do, then it’s quite obvious that the focus of parenting has to be the heart.

Christ, as you know, uses the example of the tree to explain the function of the heart. You look at the tree and its fruit and you say: “That’s an apple tree, because it has apples.” Now we know that the reason it has apples is because it is apple-istic right down to its roots. If it wasn’t an apple tree by nature, it wouldn’t produce apples. In Christ’s example, the tree equals the heart, and the fruit equals behavior and its consequences.

I often use this example. Imagine that you have an apple tree in the backyard. Now this particular tree produces horrible apples year after year. So I say to my wife, “I think I can fix our apple tree.” So I go out with a big ladder and cut off all the old apples. Then I nail delicious red apples all over the tree. I stand back, and from 50 feet it now looks like a good apple tree. But we all know what’s going to happen, don’t we? Those apples are going to rot, too, because if the tree is consistently producing bad apples, then there’s something wrong with the system, right down to its roots. We all realize that we won’t solve the problem by nailing apples onto the tree. But this is the problem with much of modern child-rearing, even in Christian circles. A lot of what we call biblical parenting is nothing more than apple-nailing. And what happens is that six weeks later, or perhaps six months or six years, the child or youth is right back to where they were before.

So you’re saying that many Christian parents are behaviorists?

Yes, that’s right. But the problem is that they don’t realize they are. And much of the time it’s because they’re untaught.

If you go to the average Christian bookstore, unless it carries Shepherding a Child’s Heart by Ted Tripp or my book, Age of Opportunity, you won’t even hear the word “heart” mentioned in books on parenting. They are all about techniques and strategies for controlling behaviour. They are behaviorist, even though they appear in Christian guise.

The scary thing about these books is that they often have a temporary effectiveness. It’s true— I can control a child’s behavior through a variety of means. If I lay enough guilt on my child, it will move him. Or if I manipulate him with something he wants—a new car or a new bike—that will be temporarily effective. Or I can threaten him. That may be of limited effectiveness, too. However, the problem is that none of these things last. The minute the threat’s gone, the inner man hasn’t changed. And the child goes right back to where he was. And that’s what’s happening all over the place, not just in the culture, but in the church as well.

Why do parents usually find the teenage years of their children the most demanding and threatening of all?

I would like to be able to say, as the father of four children, all of them now grown up (although one is still a teen), that the only time I got angry was when one of them broke God’s law. However, what is in fact true, and I think it’s true of all of us, is that often I wasn’t angry because they had sinned, but because their sin had gotten in the way of something that I wanted. And what often gets in the way of parenting teenagers is the idolatry of their mother and father.

As a father, I, too, live for comfort, appreciation, success, respect and control. Now none of those things, in and of themselves, is wrong. But they must not rule my heart. If they do rule my heart, then in a moment of teen trouble, I will be likely to personalize what is not personal and be adversarial in my approach to you. I’ll turn a moment of God-given ministry opportunity into a moment of anger, rather than going after your heart. I’ll settle for quick situational solutions because I just want to get in and out of the room and get it over with. At that moment, I will be enraged with you because you have stopped me from realizing what is really important to me.

That’s why the key to being used by God with your children is to start with your own heart. Try this as an experiment. Imagine someone shooting a video of every waking moment of your life over the last six weeks. What would it reveal about the things you are serving? What would you say is really important to you?

You hear parents confess their idolatry in roundabout ways all the time: “I do all this for you and this is the thanks I get?” Or a father says “How dare you do this to me!” as if the child has plotted against him. I guess it feels personal to a parent because the child has prevented him from serving the idol that’s ruling his life. It can be a huge struggle for the parents at times. But the teenage years are a time of unprecedented opportunity. I’ve found that the most important thing I can do to help parents is to get them to begin the search for idolatry in their lives. Then, when they find it, to confess it and forsake it.

If parents do not deal with their personal idolatry first, then all the strategies I give you are not going to help. In fact, goal setting won’t help either. Why? Because, you always end up serving what rules your heart. It’s like the law of gravity: it’s always operating. That’s why I love reformed theology because it gets to the heart of the problem through its radical view of human nature. Reformed theology declares that worship isn’t first an activity for human beings; worship is first an identity. We are worshippers; you can’t not worship. We are always in the service of something. And if I’m not serving God in the life of my teenager, then I’m serving other things. It’s just an inescapable principle.

What are the most important opportunities in which parents play a strategic role in their teenage children’s lives?

Let me begin by saying that I am always struck by how transcultural and transgenerational the Bible really is. We tend to divide human beings into all these subcultures, believing that we are very different from one another. In some ways we might be, but I should add that the Bible is able to cast its net in a way that catches everyone.

This means that the Bible speaks to the typical struggles of young people in every culture. It works in a situation when a son says to his dad, “Father, I need to bed down the camel,” and it works when a son says, “Dad, I forgot to put gas in the car.” It spans those generations. So it’s not hard to look at Scripture and realize that the Bible is right when it defines the typical struggles of a young person. Those struggles are the opportunity for discerning parents.

For instance, the book of Proverbs is very clear in reminding us that teenagers don’t usually hunger for wisdom and correction. I’ve never had one of my kids say to me, “As I was riding the bus home from school I was thinking, ‘Dad, you’re a really wise man. I’d just love to sit at your feet and drink in some more of your wisdom,’ or ‘Dad, I realize that when you correct me you are showing me your love. Would you like to correct me some more?’ ” So what should be my goal here? As a parent I realize that wisdom is crucial to pleasing God, and yet it’s not the thing for which my teenager tends to hunger. So now I’ve got my job description. It’s to sell my teenager something that he is not seeking. And so I decide that I’ll model being a wise man. I want to show him that wisdom is a beautiful and wonderful thing. And I want to sell wisdom to him so that he becomes a really keen consumer. The point I’m making is that in each area of teenage struggle there’s wonderful parental opportunity.

Another characteristic of teenagers is that they tend to be very legalistic. They don’t particularly love God’s law, they frequently debate the boundaries and they’re very boundary oriented. I tell people that if God’s law is like a fence, then my kids grew up with fence marks on their faces. As teens they were always pressing against the fence. Now you don’t solve the problem of teenage legalism by debating where the boundary is. Why? Because a child who is pressing his face against the fence is believing a very significant lie. The lie is that the good stuff is out there and God is keeping him from it.

What I need to do is turn his body to the inside of the yard and show him the glory of what God has called us to. Can you imagine living in a town where everybody was gentle and kind, no one ever stole, there was no such things as envy, murder or adultery, no one coveted, everyone was always patient? That’s God’s world! So in each one of those areas of teen struggle there are wonderful opportunities for parents.

You’ve said that if parents don’t regard the teen years as a time of unprecedented opportunity, it’s because they’ve got something wrong with their own hearts. What’s the problem with adult hearts when they begin to resent their teenage children?

What happens in the teen years is that a dynamic relational change takes place. When my child is young, he is pretty much a slave to whatever my agenda is. I am totally in control. He goes wherever I tell him; the only friends he has in the house are the ones that I approve. However, the more my teenager’s world widens, the less that’s true. And what happens is that this adolescent sinner has a remarkable ability to mess up my world.

He can’t help himself. Every one of his choices collides with mine. I tell parents it’s like this: you can’t stand next to a puddle for too long without being splashed by its mud. The fact is that every parent of a teen is dealing with a person who is struggling to come to terms with life. We also must realize that every teenager is a sinner and is trying to learn how to live in God’s world, learning what it means to be godly and learning the dangers of sin. There’s no possible way that that won’t have a huge impact on my life. And that’s why people don’t like their teenagers.

Teenagers are completely different from the babies that we held in our arms. We loved to hear them coo and they smelt so fresh. It seems so ironic that the tiny person who brought us so much joy is the same young man I now resent. In fact, I’m so mad with him, I don’t even want to sit down and have a meal with him. Why? Because he’s made my world uncomfortable. That’s it. And I don’t like my world being turned upside down. I like a world that’s predictable and controlled. And I deeply resent the fact that I have lost that level of comfort and control that I previously had.

Actually, what my teenager reveals in me when I get angry and frustrated with him is a depth and consistency of self-love that is one of the horrible effects of sin. Paul reminds us in 2 Corinthians 5:15 that Jesus came that those “who live, should no longer live unto themselves but for him who for their sakes died and was raised.” Jesus is saying that selfishness is the endemic result of sin. It makes you totally self-absorbed.

And so what do I want? I want pre-sanctified, self-parenting children. I want children that I can always take to a restaurant without being embarrassed. I want kids who will do their homework without me being on their backs. I want an easy life for myself. And frankly, I never expected that becoming a parent meant that I would have to lay my life down for my kids. But that’s exactly what God calls me to do. My redemption cost Christ not only His glory; it also cost Him His life. That’s the model.

What sort of attitudes and approach should parents have with the family if they are to be in the right frame of mind to deal with their teens?

First, we need to understand how the modern workplace has devalued the importance of family relationships. This trend began with the modern industrial revolution. Two hundred years ago, when industry was cottage-based, if the family was in crisis the shop shut down to settle the problem because the family ran the business. But if you remove men from the home and relocate the place of work, all of a sudden industry begins to dictate lifestyle. What man today would call his boss and say, “I’m going to be two hours late because I’m sorting out a difficult problem in our home and it needs to be dealt with now.” What you do is say to your wife, “I can’t talk about that now because I have to be at work.”

As work and family life became separate, men began increasingly to define success in terms of their performance on the job rather than on their success in the home. Then along came the further problem of women leaving the home to travel to their work. Now women are also defining their personal success in terms of job performance. Today we are generations down the road from our Christian forbears on thinking about the family. Sadly, we don’t think nearly as much of the place of family relationships when we think of the definition of a successful life. But we need to. We must come to a position where we say: “There is nothing that I will ever be that will rival the importance of God’s work in the formation of my children’s souls.” There is nothing more important than that. And that demands some hard choices.

When I go out to speak, I’ll make that challenge to men in the congregation. I’ll point my finger and say: “There are some of you who are so busy in your careers that you’re seldom home, and when you are, you are so physically exhausted that you have nothing to offer your children. There are men here who actually don’t even know their own kids. And I want to offer a radical challenge to you. Go to your boss and ask for a demotion. Take less pay. Move out of that dream house and into a smaller one. Sell your brand new car and be willing to drive an older one. And be willing to do what God has called you to do in the life of your children.”

What are the most helpful ways to understand teenagers if we are to play a vital role in their spiritual development?

I think the most helpful thing to remember is that your teenager is more like you than unlike you. Unfortunately, we have this view that teenagers are in a separate class as though they’re aliens who’ve dropped from the sky.

One humbling thing that I’ve realized is that there are few struggles in the life of my teenager that I don’t recognize in my own heart as well. For instance, imagine my child has gotten into trouble because he’s procrastinated on a school assignment until the night before and he can’t possibly get it done. But haven’t I done the same? Of course I have. And when I realize that, I don’t come to him and say, “How dare you! How could you? In my day I would have never thought of doing this!” Instead, I come as a fellow sinner.

It’s at this point that my dealings with him are based on the gospel rather than law. Here’s my opportunity to point him to Christ. So I say: “Son, there’s a rescue provided for us in the person and work of the Lord Jesus Christ. There’s hope for both of us. I need it every bit as much as you do. And I stand with you. However, don’t expect me to write a note to the teacher to get you out of the assignment.”

So you see, it’s a whole different approach. I actually think that the self-righteous—“I’m more righteous than you”—approach closes down teenagers; it doesn’t open them up at all. That’s why Christian parents shouldn’t use it.

Is the wisdom literature of the Bible, especially the Proverbs, helpful in preparing us to meet the challenge of the teenage years? How does it help parents get ready for their responsibilities?

Yes, it’s vital for dealing with teens. As I have read the first few chapters of Proverbs it’s often hit me that what we have here is a father giving advice to his son. “Son, pay attention to my wisdom.” “Son, give heed to my instruction.” So I decided that I would keep reading the first eight chapters over and over again. I literally read them hundreds of times. Interestingly, what happened was that a number of themes started rising to the surface—a theme being something that’s repeated over and over again.

Now, I know enough as a parent that if I have to repeat something several times to my children, it means I’ve identified a struggle within them. So the themes that are in Proverbs give us a wonderful picture of what are the typical temptations or struggles of a young person. And they give me a nice template for thinking about the kinds of things I am going to encounter as I go through the teen years with my children.

What should be the basic spiritual goals for parents in dealing with their teens? Should I simply be trying to regulate their behavior? Is that a worthy aim, or should I be trying to achieve a lot more? My problem with a lot of parenting is that it is reactive; it’s not goal-driven. Something comes up and I react to it. However, Scripture expects us to move well beyond reactive parenting. It sets us heart goals. And so when I am helping my teens deal with issues of dating, or use of the car, or behavior at school, their individual situation gives me a God-given opportunity to help them advance in one of these areas of heart goals. So, for each of my children, I have tried to look through the individual situation to the goal for their hearts that I’m seeking to achieve.

One of these goals is to teach my child to understand and participate in the spiritual struggle. The Bible tells us that the most important things to happen in life are unseen. It also tells us that there’s a real enemy who wants control of my heart. And that war goes on in every situation of life. I want my teenager to get beyond clothes and sports and see the significance of sin and temptation which is there in every situation of life.

The issue of what rules the heart involves the issue of idolatry. Teenagers need to be challenged about what is governing them. Here are three idols of the teen years: appearance, possessions and acceptance. And so I want to take them to the level of the heart so that they can understand what is really going on in their lives.

Why is it that Christian parents are often frustrated in their efforts to cultivate a heart for God in their teenagers?

Because it’s the hardest work a human being could ever do. We have to get to the point where we realize that there is no hope apart from Christ. If I could turn the human heart by the force of my voice, or the strength of my personality, or the logic of my argument, or the wisdom of my parenting strategies, then Jesus would never have needed to come. So, as a parent, I’ve hit something that I can’t do by myself. And it makes me angry. It frustrates me. It discourages me. You see, what I want is some “instant fix.” Give me the three steps to producing godliness in kids. The Bible doesn’t do that. It doesn’t give us a system of redemption; it gives us a Redeemer. And here’s the really scary news. No matter how righteously I act with my teenager, he must deal with God or there won’t be any hope for him. And I can’t do that. So what I do, in my frustration, is try to do God’s job on my kids.

Many teens leave home because their relationship with their parents is so bad. What can parents do that will ensure that when they leave home they’ll be grateful for the life preparation that they’ve received?

Parents should remember that the best climate for a relationship is a climate of honesty and humility. I have watched restoration take place when parents are willing to begin to be honest about their own struggle. One of the things that drives teenagers crazy is parents who are all talk but no action. They hold up standards but never keep them themselves. I mean, how can you talk about grace but be bitter and angry? After a while, the child just can’t wait for that first moment to make his exit.

One of the ways I preach the Gospel is declaring my own need for it. And that can be done casually. I was talking to my 17-year-old son recently. I felt I’d been impatient with him. And I said: “It’s not going to be any surprise to you that I’m going to say I’m a sinner.” Well, he laughed at that, because I also said: “You have a robust experience of the same.” Then I said, “You know there are times when I think of myself more than you, and last night was one of those times.” And he said, “I do the same thing with you Dad, and I forgive you.” After that exchange there was a warmth between us. However, there would have been a very different outcome if I had said: “You know, you really ought to be glad that you have a dad like me. I’m always going out of my way for you. Why do you mess up all the time after all I’ve done for you?” You see, it would’ve been a whole different ball game.

The point is this: if I’m willing to admit my need of Christ, then I come before my child with the evidence of what he also should do. He has not only seen his need, but he has seen the changes Christ is able to do in me. I’m preaching the gospel just by living my life. I think that’s a very powerful thing. And I think it’s an opportunity that we miss, because we believe that if we admit sin, then we compromise our authority. My authority is representative anyway, it’s not based on my righteousness, it’s based on Christ. And I think that’s the way that I can be an instrument in Christ’s hands.

For more information on resources to help you understand today’s rapidly changing youth culture, contact the Center for Parent/Youth Understanding.

©2009, The Center for Parent/Youth Understanding

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FAll Crusade 2009 - God is Good!!!

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We had record attendance over 300 students commit their life to Christ and 39 baptized. WOW God is amazing.

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Fall Crusade - QB Challenge and Lineman Weight OFF TONIGHT!!!!!

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